The Road Not Taken

Life is full of missed opportunities. As human beings, we must disguise these even from ourselves. For if we were to know the end of every road that we did not travel, we would surely collapse from the longing of all that could have been and now will never be.

But very rarely do we actually feel the very moment at which we must make a choice that may change our lives forever. Very rarely do we get a glimpse down that path, like driving fast down a country lane and briefly seeing a farmhouse at the end of a long driveway, whisked away before we can even process the green of the grass or the color of the door.

It's a moment of possibilities, where anything can happen. It's walking instead of taking the bus. It's plucking up the courage to talk to someone across the room. It's eating lunch out instead of in. It's that moment when you stop in the midst of a decision and think about exactly what could happen if you took the road less traveled by.

You can't take every opportunity. You can't see down every single road. But you can jump at the chance to do new things and live every moment.

Why don't we take those chances? What are we afraid of?

Own Yourself

There are some things you should never ask advice on. Some things should not have input from outside sources because these things are about you and you alone.

Don't give anyone the chance to tell you how you feel. Whether it is about a person or a place, an object or an idea, what you feel about any given thing belongs to you. Don't offer it up to someone to taint and manipulate. Don't let pretty words and enthusiasm change what you know- in your heart, in your head, in your very soul- to be true. Don't ignore your conscience or your gut. That feeling in the pit of your stomach is there for a reason, and too often we dismiss it. Don't.

Don't offer your dreams up for destruction. Your goals in life and your ambitions and what you want to do and where you want to go... All of these things are objectives that you set for yourself. If you want to achieve something, anything at all, you have to be willing to weather all kinds of criticism. And your dreams and goals won't survive the struggle if they aren't even yours to begin with.

Figure out what you want and stick to your guns. Because if you let someone tell you that you feel this and you want that, you've already lost yourself.

Own yourselaf, whatever it takes.

-Lucifer

Don't You Dare

Starting again shouldn’t be as hard as it is. In fact, it isn’t nearly as hard as we think it is.

Pretty soon, the person before, the one that started everything only to end it anyway and necessitate the act of starting again, is soon gone from your memory. Obviously, things like Facebook make it difficult to start over. Constant status updates or their name on your chat or a stray comment here and there definitely make forgetting that much harder.

But starting over must first begin with an end. So detaching yourself is of tantamount importance. There’s really no going back, so that means there is no reason to not move forward.

And in moving forward, you begin to forget. Soon you forget the sound of their voice. The exact timbre and tone fades, then the lilt of a question, even the way they said your name… Though that is the hardest to forget, it does fade with time.

Then goes the exact color of their eyes. That look they gave you, the one that made you melt inside and wonder just what it was you were getting yourself into, that fades with the shade of green or blue or brown that made their eyes special.

And then you think about it a bit, and you can’t remember the shape of their face, or the angle of their cheekbones, or how the separate elements of their face fit together to make the face that is uniquely their face, the face that made silly expressions or sarcastic looks or sly smiles that made you wonder just what they were thinking.

And just like that, they’re gone. No longer can that face torment you in your thoughts, as you think and ponder and agonize about some nonsense that you can’t change… and probably wouldn’t change, even if you could.

Suddenly, moving on just isn’t that hard. Because maybe you realized that no amount of regret will change the past. Or maybe you came to the conclusion that they weren’t worth the effort of your agonizing. Or maybe somebody else came along.

Maybe somebody came along who was different than the one before. Taller or shorter, smarter or simpler, more relaxed or more athletic, maybe kinder and more sincere. Maybe closer to that which you actually needed, despite what you may have thought before.

And then there are possibilities again.

But don’t you dare hold back. Don’t you dare make reservations, just because of the person who came before. They’re not worth it, and this new person doesn’t deserve to get just part of you because you’re scared.

Don’t be afraid to let go and tumble into the unknown once again.

Life is about taking chances and making choices that don’t always have clear outcomes.

Take a step forward, and another. And whatever you do, don’t ever look back.

-Lucifer

Live Like You're Dying

It’s funny how often we see interviews and quotes and movies and books about living each day like your last… And not one of us will do so until our deaths are staring us in the face.

“I’ll just get through this year, then I’ll start following my dreams…”

“I’ll finish school and then I’ll live like there’s no tomorrow…”

“I’ll help my friends get through this and then I’ll start living for myself…”

Bull. Shit.

Get up. Get out. Live your own damn life.

One day, your life will flash before your eyes. Will it be worth watching?

-Lucifer

Dreaming of Stars

I think clearest in the middle of the night.
There is no pressure. No one to tell me what to do, or what not to do. Nobody to contradict me or put me down or hurt me. Not a soul to limit my imagination or reign in my dreams, lest I be carried away by the possibilities of something others could not fathom, or never dared to.
There is something comforting about the stars. The sun, so gaudy and bright and overwhelming, seems so blinding and unyielding in comparison with the soft twinkle of light that is millions of years old.
I am most confident in the middle of the night.
My goals and my dreams lay spread out around me, each visible and tangible and real, if only just out of my reach. No one to snatch them from the canvas of my mind, to pull them apart and toss them at the feet of practicality.
I love the night.
The only danger is that of the impending dawn, where light casts doubt on all of my best laid plans, where others are awake and opinionated and all too ready to drag me down from the heavens.
There is no stopping the onslaught of day. The sun of everyday life and nine-to-five jobs will shove its way into the scene, obliterating the stars and my dreams along with them.
But every night, the stars return. Every night, they slowly and cautiously take the stage before the cosmos and dare to wheel and dance across the sky, shining resolutely into the curtains of black.
Dare I join them?

By the Numbers

Today, I had the strangest epiphany. I have lost myself. Today, I looked at the reading assignments, and the homework assignments, and the writing assignments. And at the top of everything I turn into my TAs, that may or may not be seen by my professor, I write my student identification number. That nine digit code, consisting of an A followed by a random conglomeration of eight numbers, that is my identifier. And as I stared at this code, I realized that I am no more than a number to a lot of people.
Even as I type this and go to post it to the world, such as it is, I am still just a number. The 78th follower on Tumblr. The 452nd friend on Facebook. My fire and my opinions lose their potency as they are reduced to size 12 Arial font, homogenizing my thoughts and feelings with others’ announcements of what they had for lunch.
We can blame the digital age all we want for the lack of intimacy in our relationships. But what it gets right down to is people. The internet makes it easy and so we become lazy. Why drive all the way to a friend’s house to surprise them when you can just Skype? Why take long walks on trails through the woods, talking about anything and everything, when you can just Facebook chat? We are losing our ability to relate to each other through anything besides text abbreviations and emoticons.
Despite the slight hypocrisy of posting this almost anti-technology rant, I encourage you, if you actually read this far, to do your best to reconnect with the people you know on a face-to-face basis. Remind yourself who that person is every time you get a text from them, or a message. Remember what they look like, how they talk, their quirks and virtues. Reacquaint with the world through your own eyes, rather than a computer screen.
-Lucifer

Change isn't Hard, Reason Is

“I can change.”
No. No, you cannot. At least, you cannot change the parts that necessitated this argument. This whole situation is because of the pieces of you that are so much a part of you that to change them would be to change who you are. And that is not right.
With these words, you immediately thrust the responsibility onto me. Telling me that you can change, that you will do so just to make me happy, is manipulative and cruel. What kind of person would I be if I allowed you to change the fabric of your being just to please myself?
It ultimately comes down to the fact that we just won’t work. However, now all the blame is on me, because I was unwilling to change. Because I was unwilling to give it another try. Because I believe that me being myself and you being yourself is more important than me being with you and you with me.
You shouldn’t change for me, because I am a constantly changing person. Evolving and adapting, accepting and challenging. To change for me would not only be blasphemous, it would be an eternal battle, one that you are sure to lose.
Do not be so quick to determine that you should change for me. And do not expect me to condone such a violence to your person, or to accept the responsibility of stripping you of yourself. Because you shouldn’t change for me, or anyone else.
You should change for you.
-Lucifer