Heathenistic Grumblings

My cousin and I were walking around Mackinac Island a couple weeks ago when two guys stopped us and asked if we had time to talk. We thought they were going to hit on us. As it turns out, they wanted to talk about God. We were not interested in spending such a lovely afternoon talking about religion, and we sent them speedily on their way.
I love the questions that religious people ask you.
“Have you found God?”
I have too much wit for this kind of question.
“Why, no, I haven’t. If you find him, tell him I say hello.”
or better yet,
“You lost Him?! Oh no. Okay, I’ll go this way and you go that way. We’ll spread out and look for Him.”
Your religion is your business. My religion is not. It is none of your concern whether or not I have made peace with God. My belief (or lack thereof) in God is not something you should worry about. Saving me is not your responsibility. God must have far more important things to do than worry about my faith in Him.
Do not tell me I am going to hell. Because I will certainly reply with some sarcastic comment perfectly designed to piss you off. You have no knowledge of my life, or my afterlife, so keep your assumptions to yourself.
I have no interest in arguing with you. There would be a lot less animosity in the world if everyone were not so hellbent on making other people agree with them. My beliefs are my own. I believe in helping people because you can, and because it’s the right thing to do. Not because I’ll get a ticket into heaven if I do. I would bet God would agree with me, but that is an assumption I’m not willing to make.
I have better things to do than contemplate what will happen when I die. I am determined to live, and to not waste this life on worrying about the next.
Good day to you, and leave me the hell alone.
-Lucifer